Kitty Wittgenstein and the Sinister Society of Southpaws (5.7)

5.7 Plans Go Out The Window



(note: to go to the beginning of the story, go here, to see all Chapter Five posts, go here and to see all Sinister Society of Southpaws posts, go here)





“Karen!” shouted Young Master Irrelevant beside me.



“I don’t think she can hear you,” I said.



I didn’t know the relationship between Young Master Irrelevant and Karen slumped in the front seat. Didn’t really care at this point, to be honest.



I was far more concerned about being trapped in the back seat of a driverless motor vehicle accelerating down the freeway.



That seemed the clear priority.



“Can we lower the divider?” I said.



“What??”



I repeated the question. The car bumped towards the centre lane. Other cars leaned angrily on their horn.



If I was the kind of person to cast stereotypical aspersions on LA drivers, I’d be wondering if one of them was about to pull out a pistol and start up some kind of road rage shooting incident.



I still considered that a possibility. Not because of the LA driver stereotype. Just because that was the way my luck seemed to be running these past few (or, depending on one’s perspective, future few) days.



“No,” said Young Master Irrelevant, to my earlier question about lowering the divider. “But we might be able to…”



His sentence drifted away as he wound down his side window.



What was he planning? To climb out the window and through into the front?



That seemed suitably crazy.



Of course, it made more sense from my side. I was behind the driver. The driver’s window was open lower than the window of the front seat passenger’s side.



If anybody was going to be doing a suicidal crawl along the outside of a car, it should be me.



Or, ideally, not me. But it should definitely be done from my side.



I grabbed Young Master Irrelevant’s leg. His head was already out his window.



He turned back.



“Use my window,” I said.



He shook his head and pulled free. He started to climb further out.



Well, that was peculiar.



Or…



Cue light bulb going off in the supermodel’s brain.



Or not at all peculiar.



I pressed my window switch to confirm its lack of peculiarity. Yep. As expected, my window refused to come down. I tried to open the door. Nope. That was locked too.



The Irrelevant Family had locked me in the car.



How rude.



Okay. We’d go out through the other side.



Young Master Irrelevant was way ahead of me. His entire upper body was now hanging out the window, twisted towards the front.



His hands clung to the top of the front passenger’s side window. There wasn’t enough room to climb in there, but he could get a grip.



Once I saw he had a good grip, I leaned across and opened his door. The door, with him hanging half through the window, swung open, pushing him further to the front of the car.



His only real option at this point was to crawl across the roof or bonnet to the driver’s side and crawl in the far wider open window there.



Or, as it turned out, pull his legs through the window and leap off the car completely, abandoning both me and his colleagues to the mercy of the increasingly out of control car.



I guess his feelings for Karen only went so far.