Kitty Wittgenstein and the Sinister Society of Southpaws (5.8)

5.8 For Whom The Bell Tolls



(note: to go to the beginning of the story, go here, to see all Chapter Five posts, go here and to see all Sinister Society of Southpaws posts, go here)





Okay. Young Master Irrelevant had abandoned us. I could follow his lead. I didn’t particularly like leaping out of fast-moving cars, but I’d done it before (to evade an overly amorous Ethan Hawke, way back when – don’t ask).



On the other hand, it didn’t feel right to just abandon the Irrelevant Twins in the front. Sure, they had seat belts on, so they’d probably survive whatever impact finally ended up bringing the car to a halt.



But ‘probably survive’ didn’t preclude all kinds of nasty injuries. Or, technically, death itself. And let’s not forget the innocent people they might crash into in the process.



No, I had to try and get to the front and stop the car.



I didn’t like my chances. I mean, Zoe Bell in Death Proof had made clambering around the top of a speeding car look a cinch. But I’d also seen the early cuts of Death Proof 2, and what had happened to Kristen Bell. So I knew it wasn’t all fun and games.



Hanging onto a seatbelt, I leaned out and grabbed the door. I pulled it back towards me.

Despite what Young Master Irrelevant may have thought, I’d had the right idea. By hanging onto the door I could lever myself around towards the front of the car.



Of course, the more body I had on the outside of the door, the easier it was going to be at the other end. I pulled myself up through the window. Sat my bum down on the top of the glass, allowing my legs to dangle back inside.



I could see other cars driving past on the freeway. Some of the drivers just ignored me, as if a woman sitting with the top half of her body out the passenger side window was an everyday occurrence. A few others paid attention, but mostly shook their heads angrily at my perceived skylarking.



I kicked out from the seat and the door swung open. I leaned in to the front passenger’s side window and took my grip. This was more or less the point at which Young Master Irrelevant had abandoned ship. And, now that I was here, I could see his point. The move from this window to the front of the car was going to be a hairy one.



Still, no point fretting about it. I just had to do it. I twisted my body around and pulled one leg out from the window.



Twist, Kitty, twist.



I swung the leg around and reached the foot towards the gap between the glass and the top of the passenger’s side window. I let go with one hand and helped pull the foot in.



Thank Rao for yoga.



Once that foot was wedged in strongly, I tightened my grip and swung the other leg over.

I now had both hands and both feet in the gap in the front passenger’s side window. The rest of my body dangled precariously outside.



This was about to become a problem.



Because as I looked up, I noticed the car had drifted across the freeway and was now moving against the traffic.



Which was, y’know, less than ideal.

(to be continued)